Letting go...

Yesterday, I didn't want to get out of bed. I would have been totally content with not getting out of bed for the rest of the week really... But, I can't do that. I have Faithy, she still needs me to be a functioning human being and she needs me to take care of her. She stayed with my mom and I at home yesterday because she started running a fever late monday night. So, her week is not going so great either. Poor kid! My whole point is, I got out of bed. I actually felt proud of that. Though, all I really did was take Faith to a doctors appointment and pick up her prescriptions afterwords. I got up...

Yesterday evening, I decided my husband was the one who really needed to be 'taken care of' so, instead of him making dinner like usual, I decided I wanted to try a new kind of shake n' bake (i know, impressive!) and so I cooked for him. While I was preparing things in the kitchen he sat and talked with me. I asked him about his day, then I told him about ours. He noticed I was still wearing the hospital braclet, and he asked me why? I didn't really have an answer but, all I knew is I needed it on my wrist for a little longer. He looked at me and immediantly I wanted to start sobing. He said "you need to let it go..." he got the scissors out and said "I'll take it off for you..." he cut it, and I felt overwhelming saddness. Then he turned around and wiped away our dry erase board of signifigant baby feats - we had set such small goals..1st round of clomid, ovulate, positive pregnancy test, 1st prenatal visit, etc. I had even put up our 1st ultrasond photos on the fridge next to it. He took it all and put it in an envelope and just said it again "we have to let it go... we are never going to get better with all these reminders." I felt terrible, I didn't want to let anything go. We had just lost our baby less than a day ago...