It's been a little over a month since we lost our third pregnancy. I'm feeling better everyday, time does help you heal, to a certain extent. I'm trying to make myself better... or I just try to block it out and focus on the here and now. We did finally get my chromosome tests back last week, I tested normal. Alex go's to get blood taken this week for his testing. If all is normal, Doc O is going to refer us to Southeastern Fertility clinic. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there!
I should have written this right after it happend but, I didn't so I'll write it now...
The week of our miscarriage was my birthday week, my surgery was on Monday 10/4 and my birthday was Friday 10/8. So when I should be excited and celebrating with my friends and family; I was sad and heartbroken... But, My husband and wonderful friends refused to let me be sad on my birthday, they threw me an awesome surprise birthday party!
He took me out to dinner at one of my favorite places - Carabbas!! Then he suggested we go bowling with some friends of ours. So, we headed to the bowling alley and when we got there much to my surprise, all of our closets friends and family were waiting there to surprise me! It was the best birthday I have ever had. You never realize how many people love and care about you, until you have them all in one place - hugging you and telling you 'happy birthday' and that they are there for you, no matter what life throws in your lap! It was wonderful, we bowled and laughed and had some cocktails! it was wonderful, and for a night I escaped!!
to my dear friends and family: Thank you so much for that, it meant more to me than anyone will ever know!!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Letting go...
Yesterday, I didn't want to get out of bed. I would have been totally content with not getting out of bed for the rest of the week really... But, I can't do that. I have Faithy, she still needs me to be a functioning human being and she needs me to take care of her. She stayed with my mom and I at home yesterday because she started running a fever late monday night. So, her week is not going so great either. Poor kid! My whole point is, I got out of bed. I actually felt proud of that. Though, all I really did was take Faith to a doctors appointment and pick up her prescriptions afterwords. I got up...
Yesterday evening, I decided my husband was the one who really needed to be 'taken care of' so, instead of him making dinner like usual, I decided I wanted to try a new kind of shake n' bake (i know, impressive!) and so I cooked for him. While I was preparing things in the kitchen he sat and talked with me. I asked him about his day, then I told him about ours. He noticed I was still wearing the hospital braclet, and he asked me why? I didn't really have an answer but, all I knew is I needed it on my wrist for a little longer. He looked at me and immediantly I wanted to start sobing. He said "you need to let it go..." he got the scissors out and said "I'll take it off for you..." he cut it, and I felt overwhelming saddness. Then he turned around and wiped away our dry erase board of signifigant baby feats - we had set such small goals..1st round of clomid, ovulate, positive pregnancy test, 1st prenatal visit, etc. I had even put up our 1st ultrasond photos on the fridge next to it. He took it all and put it in an envelope and just said it again "we have to let it go... we are never going to get better with all these reminders." I felt terrible, I didn't want to let anything go. We had just lost our baby less than a day ago...
Yesterday evening, I decided my husband was the one who really needed to be 'taken care of' so, instead of him making dinner like usual, I decided I wanted to try a new kind of shake n' bake (i know, impressive!) and so I cooked for him. While I was preparing things in the kitchen he sat and talked with me. I asked him about his day, then I told him about ours. He noticed I was still wearing the hospital braclet, and he asked me why? I didn't really have an answer but, all I knew is I needed it on my wrist for a little longer. He looked at me and immediantly I wanted to start sobing. He said "you need to let it go..." he got the scissors out and said "I'll take it off for you..." he cut it, and I felt overwhelming saddness. Then he turned around and wiped away our dry erase board of signifigant baby feats - we had set such small goals..1st round of clomid, ovulate, positive pregnancy test, 1st prenatal visit, etc. I had even put up our 1st ultrasond photos on the fridge next to it. He took it all and put it in an envelope and just said it again "we have to let it go... we are never going to get better with all these reminders." I felt terrible, I didn't want to let anything go. We had just lost our baby less than a day ago...
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